My name is Frank, and I need your help. I was marooned here from the future over 30 years ago as a practical joke. Some joke it turned out to be. None of the people that I cared about have even been born yet, and I am surrounded by people who are supposed to be dead.
Talk about a conundrum.
The truth is, I need your help to get back to the future. Or a hot dog. I might just need a hot dog.
Take a look around and read more about my sad pathetic story. And if you can take pity on an old starship captain 500 years ahead of his time, well that would be mighty kind of you.