You people from the past – you are all so soft. Like a bunch of Famgellian Phlem monsters. Life in the future isn’t such a vacation like you might think it is.
For example – traveling through space on a star cruiser, exploring the galaxies faster than the speed of light. Not such a cake walk my friends…
How would you like to live under the constant threat of having your blood boil and your brains sucked out by negative space. Just a simple pin prick in your fancy ships hull and say good bye to your eyeballs.
Or how about when you finally get to your destination, ready to tow that broken down old galaxy class star ship to the shop. What kind of things might you might encounter? How about beings that have no form, but can cause you to go mad just by looking at you. Or how about a weed that when touched melts your skin off.
And you might not even think about it, but the rest of the galaxy, kind of smells. Such foul smells every where you go. A mixture of rotting eggs and dog urine as far as the nose can smell.
So the next time you want to complain about anything – don’t.
Just quit your bitching already.
I have been here for almost 30 years now, waiting and watching all you people from the my past live their boring little lives. Everyone is just so damned worried about the little things.
For example, why are you all so worried about the food you eat. It’s embarrassing how much time you spend prepping and eating food all day long. It’s worse than being stuck drifting in space for 90 days, and that is pretty bad!
Let me tell you a story. Sometime in 2175, the number of people requiring food overruns the ability to produce it the natural way. So scientists came up with two solutions. One was the replicator unit that used proton energy displacement to replicate food items from computer memory. The other was what I grew up on – Glunk.
Glunk was a synthesized food product that manufacturers made in a clean environment. They designed it to be a perfect food. It came in two flavors. Red and Black – each one more satisfying than the other. A single GlunkPack would replace a single meal – and there was no prep required.
See – now isn’t that easier!
No more, what are we having tonight? Well I don’t like broccoli, and I don’t like bread. Things we’re just easier. You ate your Glunk – and that was it.
Now how does that make you feel about how much time you waste shopping for food?
I’d like to begin by ranting just a little bit. If you can imagine with me for a second, I am a little bit angry at having been lift here in the past as a practical joke. And now 30 years later I am old, tired, and just a little bit of a cranky future man.
I mean seriously. For 30 years I have lived 300 years in the past without any of the comforts of the future. Have you ever traveled by car? I mean what is this silly invention you guys putz around in. Spewing filth everywhere it goes. And talk about slow!
And the people! All so old fashioned and cranky. All worries about every little thing! I’d like to see any of you fend of an Ecklminian Plasma Grunt with nothing but your bare hands and a pocket pen light phaser.
I guess I will just have to keep trying to rebuild my Mendlivian Echo Transmitter to communicate with the future and get back home.
Until then – please don’t bother me,